Life
Your favorite math class says a lot about you
By
Online Managing Editor
Thursday, September 29, 2016

It is mathematically proven that your favorite type of math correlates to what type of person you are, so choose wisely.

Calculus

You’re the kind of person who would force your counselor to let you take 18 credit hours as a first-semester freshman and then promptly fail them. However, you still like to maintain your sense of superiority at all times. You have disdain for the less ambitious; though, you’re constantly trying to cover up the fact that you aren’t as special as you seem. You’re thoroughly in love with yourself and have a reputation for being impossible to conquer. Self-image is so important to you that if you accidentally “like” someone’s Instagram post from 400 weeks ago, you’ll never leave your house again. If you were a food, you’d be mediocre foie gras. You have an aura of mystique, but beneath the surface, you’re basically just a hotdog.

Geometry

Most people diligently avoid you because you’re the definition of “extra.” Everyone forgets about you, because the other branches of mathematics are far superior. Your inferiority complex may contribute to your obnoxiousness, but no one feels bad about it because your personality never changes. Your relationship status on Facebook is “It’s complicated” even though you’ve never been in any type of relationship at all. It’s no big surprise, because no one needs to know what a “dodecahedron” is to function in society.

Statistics

Let’s face it: stats usually feels more like an art or English class rather than math. If you find standard deviations with great enthusiasm, you’re probably a hipster millennial and strongly against the “mainstream.” You prefer to wear earth tones and flannel, and you only shop at Whole Foods and REI. You post pictures on Instagram of artsy shadows and hiking trails. Don’t worry, you’re far off in the tail of the bell curve, so you don’t need to try so hard.   

Algebra

To people who don’t know you, you may seem simple and innocent, but to your closest friends you’re the life and soul of the party. Although your gregarious personality explains why you have so many friends, you sometimes do foolish things to impress them. You’ll probably still be sleeping on your parents’ couch when you’re 30 because you spend too much time reading Harry Potter, and your career consists of making balloon animals because you majored in creative writing and could find little else to do. Don’t be too proud of yourself — that cute song about the Quadratic Formula isn’t as brilliant as it seems. Most of your friends have moved on to more serious pursuits, such as houses, babies and calculus.

Basic Arithmetic

You’re the kind of person everyone likes because they can count on the fact that you’ll do whatever they say. Everyone relies on you and is completely lost when you’re absent. However, this is also a weakness because no one takes you very seriously. It’s time to stand up and say “no” for a change. You turned off read receipts on your iPhone because you didn’t want your boyfriend to know you read all of his texts the minute you receive them. You wait a carefully calculated 14.7 minutes to answer.

Oh wait, you can only add and subtract integers. Make that 15 minutes.