The Best Curves Are Short, Silly

I write this for those who have shot others down and for those who have been shot down. Most of us fit in at least one, if not both, of the categories. I am not talking about fighter planes; rather, a more dangerous game: the dating game.

We have all sent those risky texts either late at night, drunk or just in a spurt of courage. Sometimes, we get the response we want, and a date at Moe’s Southwest Grill is on the horizon. Other times, though, we don’t, and a curve is thrown. While we all have our different curves, I will go over the best curves to use when some grease ball slides into your DMs. I will say though, even with my striking looks and particular preferences, I am not a curve champion.

While one could be upfront and say, “I am just not interested in you,” that is not everyone’s style. For those who prefer a more undercover letdown, these curves will come in handy.

There are many different ways to curve and you don’t need to be a pitcher to throw a good one. The best curves are short, unpunctuated and slippery. While some of the curves could be said to give “hope” to the thirsty fiends, contextually they are pretty clear. The easiest and most clear being the signature “ … ” The infamous ghost is one of my favorites, but for those who want to make it really clear, make sure read receipts are on.

There is an ample number of curves, so I urge you to be creative. But here are the best to use: “maybe,” “soon,” “one day,” “I was busy,” “we’ll see,” “I’ll let you know,” and one of my favorites, “I JUST saw this text.”

While all of these previous curves are great, two stand out as the curviest curves. The simple “lol” reply will send a shock down to the core of the Instagram DM dweller. But the best of all will send any dehydrated juuler into some other unfortunate soul’s life. I recommend only using this one in extreme cases for its power is unstable. I write this in fear, but I know it must be written for those who need its power. “You’re silly” or “Your silly” should only be used with at least four approvals from your advisors.

And for those who have been curved, understand that being said “no” or “you’re silly” to is a part of life and relationships. If someone says, “you’re silly” to you, you either aren’t meant to be together or you are being straight silly. Rejection is part of life and it’s all right, but do try to read into signs. If someone is constantly curving you, just move on and stop being silly.