Three objectively bad movies you need to watch
Some movies are just guilty pleasures, and that's okay
September 10, 2022
I’ve been told I have poor taste in men, music and especially movies. But I can’t help it — I’m a sucker for cliches. So, here are some of my favorite movies that are objectively bad.
‘Aliens in the Attic’ (2009)
Rotten Tomatoes score: 34%
Review: This is cheesy, funny and satisfying! It has great sequences of epic pranks and attacks — kind of like a low-stakes heist movie. The CGI is not the best, but I can honestly overlook it because of how invested I am in the good-guys-versus-bad-guys narrative. I think I also like this movie because I watched it as a kid, and one of the main plot points is that only the kids are immune to the aliens’ technology, which is why they have to fight back. This movie is also way too funny for its quality — some of the humor is slapstick but, because of the premise, there are lots of scenes that are so ridiculous and strange that you just have to laugh. My favorite character is the older sister — despite her being in the dark for most of the movie. Her boyfriend becomes entangled in alien mind control, and she always manages to overlook his bizarre behavior (probably because he sucks, anyway). There’s actually a scene at the end where the siblings use mind-control technology to punish him. I also like the cliche that, despite the main character’s attempt to suppress his nerdiness, it is what saves the day in the end. No matter how many times I see it, it never gets old and always makes me go, “Aw! We should all just embrace our stereotypes and love ourselves!” Yeah, they got me good.
‘The House’ (2017)
Rotten Tomatoes score: 20%
Review: I LOVED this movie. Not only is it hilarious, but it has an amazing cast. It is a bit raunchy and dark, but I love it. There’s the typical “might actually be insane” side character that is so out of pocket, and all of the characters are hilariously flawed. The main characters are so incompetent that their underground casino shouldn’t work but somehow does (and they even manage to scare off a gang member). I also love the concept of out-of-place violence and brutality in suburbia; I mean, these people go absolutely feral (there’s even a Fight Night at the casino), and it’s all interlaced with superficial suburban drama like arguments over food at a cookout. This movie has all my favorite things: ridiculous scenarios, characters with outlandish ideas on how to fix situations and the perfect mockery of suburban drama — there’s even a city councilor with a hilariously skewed idea of how important his position is. If I could only recommend one movie, this would be it!!
‘So Undercover’ (2012)
Rotten Tomatoes score: 6%
Now, this movie I actually hate myself for; it’s insanely cliche and predictable (and the college is so obviously Tulane that it actually makes me really mad. Like seriously? Did they think no one would notice?) It’s a ripoff of “Barely Lethal”, and even that movie only got a 26% on Rotten Tomatoes. It also plays right into the “she’s not like other girls” trope (she’s into motorcycles and U.S. history!).I’m not going to even discuss the fact that she is temporarily shunned because they think she has kleptomania (and this later becomes part of the “twist” ending), the rival sorority is solely characterized as “slutty” and one of the sorority sister’s “big secret” is that she used to be heavier and have acne (the scandal!). What the heck? Why do I like this? It’s awful. I don’t even want to recommend it, but it is satisfying to watch for some reason. Please don’t judge me. This is my lowest point.