All our parents are going to die.
It’s a truth that’s uncomfortable and heart-wrenching, but it’s ultimately an inevitability in which the generations above us have been largely unprepared and unequipped to handle.
In their defense, the average life expectancy in the U.S. has steadily increased from roughly 40 years old in 1860 to 67 years old in 1950 to now 77 years old. This increase is a result of advancements in medicine and technology that have in general improved Americans’ quality of life, yet it’s also created a larger need for elderly care.
The Department of Health and Human Services projected in 2023 that more than 56% of those turning 65 will need some sort of long-term care such as physical therapy amongst other services. They also noted that most elderly adults are cared for in their own homes by family members or friends. With Medicare only covering short-term and Medicaid only covering certain qualified people— the responsibility to take care of elderly parents weighs heavily over millions of people.
Whether you view taking care of your parents as a responsibility or a burden, there’s a high likelihood that you’re not financially or physically capable of sustainably providing the care they need. Furthermore, it can be emotionally taxing to see the steady cognitive and physical decline of someone who raised you and loves you. There’s often feelings of “caregiver guilt” that comes from being forced from the child role into the nurse role — feelings that can severely affect mental health.
Everyone deserves a dignified end of life and death. Waiting to broach the subject of aging and death with your parents until the very last minute is not an effective strategy. Everyone should be planning and discussing options together otherwise it becomes unfair to both parties and can sometimes taint the positive relationship that prevailed throughout the majority of their lives.
Another uncomfortable conversation that should be taking place is what the family plan is after death. According to a study released by LegalShield, 90% of Americans say having a will is important, yet less than half actually possess one. The study also states that 58% of respondents have experienced family disputes and have assets fall under court control.
We don’t live in medieval times anymore and should not be having dramatic movie-theater-worthy readings of wills where everyone is surprised by the beneficiaries. Simply put, that’s beyond ridiculous and unnecessary. Families should be having open dialogue about assets, wishes and the best process for dealing with life after loss. By waiting, you put yourself in a poor position where you are dealing with intricate legal jargon while simultaneously coping with the loss of a loved one and beginning the grieving process.
As obvious as it seems, our parents have been aging at the same rate as we have. No matter our age, we’ll always be their children — but we’re no longer children in a general sense.
Part of adulthood is being capable of having honest and transparent conversations about the future with your family.
All our parents are going to die.
Ignoring this fact of life is merely doing a disservice to your future self.
