Around this time, two years ago, I was an anxious, lost and scared college freshman who was worried about fitting into a college where I constantly felt like the odd one out. That first semester, no matter what the situation was that I was in, I doubted myself and whether I was meant to be at this school.
Imposter syndrome was at an all-time high. The academic workload was a massive adjustment to anything I had learned or experienced back in high school in New Delhi, India. At the time, it felt like it only existed in my head despite it being one of the biggest cities in the world, because no one around me grew up there, had been there or understood what it felt like to belong there. I felt like everything that I had spent 18 years of my life learning was all changing in seconds, and it would be forever until I caught up to this new life around me.
The American education system and the academic workload at Wake Forest were just a small part of why I was feeling lost and scared. The bigger feelings came from navigating the social environment. I was trying my very hardest to make friends and assimilate into what would be my new world for the next four years. I couldn’t have a conversation without realizing my accent, or rather the lack of an American accent. I was hyper-aware of the fact that I don’t look like all my friends and classmates. It is a strange and uncomfortable feeling to walk into rooms where you are often the only person of color or the only international student.
Systems like Greek life made absolutely no sense to me. Most students had grown up around people who were a part of Greek culture earlier on in their lives or, if not, they were at least familiar with it. I could not understand what it was that everyone seemed to be so excited and nervous about. Right before freshman spring, it felt like it was all that anyone cared about, and it made no sense to me. Until it did. The next semester, I realized how much of a role Greek life plays in the narrative of your social life here at Wake Forest. I felt left out because everyone around me was a part of these new organizations and friend groups and seemed like they were having the time of their lives, while I couldn’t even understand how this system worked.
That semester was probably the hardest and most anxiety-ridden semester of my college career. As hard as I tried to be optimistic and not focus on the differences around me, they seemed to be overtaking the narrative in my head. I would have a panic attack almost every single day because I simply felt like I would never belong in a place where I was so different from the others. Keeping up with academics, making friends and surviving college by myself on the other side of the world felt like too much of a task. I even filled out some transfer applications and considered that seriously because I was tired of feeling like the odd one out and wanted to feel a sense of belonging and community.
Now that I sit and write this, at the beginning of my junior year here at Wake Forest University, I look back lovingly and proudly at my 18-year-old self, who has come such a long way. If you are reading this and you are worried about how the next few years of your college experience will shape out, please know: it does get infinitely better, and I hope you will grow to love it. When I wrote this same article two years ago, I said that the optimistic side in me that sees my differences as a positive factor is rarely the stronger voice in my head. Over the years, I have learned to create that sense of community for myself and hear that optimistic voice a little louder.
It seems like clichè advice to join clubs if you want to make friends, but truly it is the best and most life-changing thing anyone could have ever told me. Seek out places, communities and clubs that fuel something inside you. It goes a long way and teaches you so much about yourself. The clubs I am involved in on campus have single-handedly completely changed my college experience. I have learned an incredible amount about the world (and myself) and made some of my best friends along the way.
Say hello to people in your classes — ask them to hang out! It feels so scary when you do it for the first time, but is so rewarding. You have to remember that everyone in college is looking to make friends and feel a little less lonely. Our campus is equipped with so many incredible resources. My college experience is infinitely better because I decided to reach out — whether that is making friends or asking for help from your professors and other resources on campus.
Our differences do make us unique and special. This world would indeed be a boring place if every one of us were the exact same. There is something on this campus that is meant for you, but you have to go out and find it for yourself! I would never change anything about my college experience now that I reflect on it at the beginning of the latter half. There are still bad days in which I feel anxious and out of place, but the overwhelming feeling is one of being extremely loved and having a community that is helping me be the best version of myself.
