When was the last time you felt love? Not just romantic love, but other expressions of love – a long conversation, laughter at dinner or a peaceful moment walking home. In an era of comparison and hostility online, it’s easy to forget that love is all around.
British singer Olivia Dean’s album “The Art of Loving” reminds the listener that love is never far. The Grammy-winning Best New Artist’s breakout album is filled with songs that can change how audiences see love in our own lives. Dean suggests that love is not something we wait for. It’s something we practice.
Do you focus so much on what comes next that you stop noticing what is happening right in front of you?
Many of us view joy and success as things that come after an achievement or milestone. Psychologists often refer to this mindset as “the arrival fallacy” – a belief that reaching our future goals will bring us lasting happiness. Yet research suggests that after reaching our goals, fulfillment rarely lasts, leaving us dissatisfied even after we accomplish something we’ve worked really hard for.
Dean’s music challenges the arrival fallacy by shifting our gaze from future fulfillment towards what is beautiful in the present. In “The Hardest Part” and “I’ve Seen It,” she reflects on the difficulty of making her own choices and not letting high expectations dim her happiness. She presents success not as a “finish line,” but as something ongoing and imperfect.
Her solution is to notice meaning apart from achievement in everyday moments. “I’ve seen it after school and in the park. Sat right across me on the tube,” she sings in “I’ve Seen It,” suggesting that fulfillment and love are not something we reach, but something we should always be practicing.
Additionally, connection with others may be more fulfilling than success from academic or career achievements. One poll reported an astonishing 92% of adults identify relationships as a “key source of meaning in their lives.” Olivia Dean again captures this significance in “I’ve Seen It,” singing about finding love in shared meals, laughter, quiet afternoons and ephemeral moments.
“The more you look, the more you find,” she concludes. “It’s all around you all the time.”
So what does Dean’s motto of finding love all around really mean in practice?
It means mindfulness – being aware of the present, our feelings, thoughts, surroundings and other people. Research shows that mindfulness is linked to lower stress, improved focus and greater self-love. In other words, learning to pay attention and find beauty in the present, like Dean preaches, creates a sense of satisfaction and love that isn’t conditional on success or inauthentic relationships.
Love is more than just romance and grand gestures. It’s existing in the present and enjoying those around you. A genuine relationship requires getting to know someone on a deeper level, not just posting them for likes.
For me, this means a restful Saturday. During the school week, my vision is blinded by my focus on schoolwork. But on Sundays, I get to sleep in and wake up to the sun shining on my face. I eat brunch and relax with friends. I catch up with my mom on FaceTime. I take a stroll around campus. I focus on the present moment, and when I look for the beauty in my life, I truly see it.
Dean’s music teaches us that life isn’t about milestones or shallow relationships. Love and fulfillment are practices. If we slow down and pay attention, we will see it.
