Editors note: This article represents the view of Lydia Derris, not the Old Gold & Black. 

Most people look forward to relaxing in bed with a cup of tea, cozying up alone with a book. Is it not curious that they’re fantasizing about being alone?  

In an age increasingly defined by the commodification of spirituality, self-care mantras and the relentless pursuit of personal well-being, the acts of giving ourselves to and loving others are becoming misunderstood and overshadowed by self-indulgence. There has been a slow eradication of faith, love and devotion, replaced by a deep-rooted allegiance to the self. A culture of self-worship has overtaken pious and religious traditions, leading to the degradation of moral principles and tenets of genuine interpersonal connection. 

We have lost true communion within the community, and have entered the age of The Religion of the Self. 

The modern mind, conditioned to perceive challenging emotions as life-threatening, has grown increasingly fragile. In shielding and coddling ourselves from the probing terrors of reality, we are forfeiting our capacity for true vulnerability. We as a society have become unable to give ourselves fully to others — only to our whims, desires and curated identities. We’ve built an environment where the rules of engagement are bent to suit our agendas, reinforcing the belief that we need only to prostrate ourselves toward individual inclinations and proclivities.

This “New Age” culture is open to endless interpretation, molded to fit the individual and has made us beholden to no one but ourselves. Love requires self-abandonment, and yet we have come to believe that to protect our peace is to prioritize our well-being above all else. True generosity, rooted in self-sacrifice, is immune to burnout because it asks for nothing in return. If you give without expectation, you cannot be worn down, because you have already elected, definitively and with full agency, to give.

In our quest for self-preservation, we have forgotten what it means to give deeply. We have convinced ourselves that discomfort is intolerable, and that self-preservation is the highest virtue. This focus on the self has replaced spiritual fulfillment and moral grounding, leaving us with a hollowed-out form of existence. In this world, we lose the ability to commune with others with meaningful degrees of sincerity, and we remain trapped in the isolation of our curated selves.

Institutions, once designed to mediate axioms of morality, have become corrupt. Technology has amplified the self-worship culture, with the algorithmic identity reinforcing this self-centered worldview. Coupled with the proliferation of interpersonal disconnect, this technological heist of human interaction, has made personal relationships increasingly impersonal. 

 We are bound to our devices, forever functioning parallel to the self-affirming algorithmic worldview that permeates our feeds, music, and interactions. We are not cultivating ourselves, but absorbing information and curating our identities to appear attractive to onlookers, to jobs and society at large.

This is compounded by a pervasive sense of isolation — an epidemic of self-curation. We are bound to our vices by our devices, and the very tools that promise connection only serve to reinforce our disconnection from real relationships and meaningful connection. Love, faith and devotion have never been transactional; yet, we have come to see them as such. 

If we’re so concerned about individual well-being why are we so quick to write off collective well-being?

Jean-Paul Sartre, ever the cynical and disillusioned thinker, argued that the pursuit of love, in its truest form, though evasive and potentially mythical, leads us on a journey to a fuller realization of the self. Erich Fromm in his “The Art of Loving” says that to love deeply is to transcend ego and make strides in restoring our most essential human nature. Kierkegaard in “Works of Love” suggests that true love may transform us and returns us to an authentic, moral existence. 

In the truest form of giving and giving love to others, we become human once more. When we reel our existence inward, we grow corrupt and demoralized. Validation becomes external and there is no choice but to prove our worth to others through markers of accomplishment and advancement of the self as we churn as gears in our societal model, which incentivize self interest at the expense of spiritual fulfillment. However, Love requires self-abandonment and only by giving ourselves can we regain our humanity.

As we retreat into the self, we continue to value only that which is most convenient, personal and self-serving. In this culture, the collective good is overlooked and the importance of communal sacrifice is ignored. We have elevated individual well-being to the point that we sacrifice the well-being of others. 

It is through self-sacrifice that we truly become complete.