Well, I don’t know about you guys, but ever since I walked back onto campus I’ve experienced some serious imposter syndrome. I remember the good old high school days when I would patiently sit through eight hour-long classes a day — now I need to take a nap after just one lecture, but there’s no shame in that! I’m sure everyone else is having a hard time adjusting as well, especially since classes now exist in the real world instead of the Zoom-dom. So in honor of that, I present to you my top four “WF –– more like WTF” moments and some fun new strategies to stave off the mental breakdown that I just know is coming (I can make it to midterms, I swear!).

No. 1: Yamas. What. The. Actual. Hellfire. I went into Benson at 10:57 a.m. and the Yama’s line was almost to Chick-fil-A. That damn restaurant wasn’t even open yet! Are they putting steroids in the food? Am I missing out on some extra brainpower? If so, someone please let me know immediately.

No. 2: The new mailroom. Okay, I appreciate a good makeover as much as the next person, but hello? Why is it so fancy now? And why was the line backed up all the way to the top of the stairs? What have you freaks been ordering? I’ve seen so many people walking out of there with boxes twice the size of their bodies. Ma’am, please. I just need my latest Amazon purchase.

No. 3: Maybe I’m just out of shape, but walking to and from class requires so much energy. Not only are you panicking about whether or not you’re going to make it on time, or if you’ve even got the right room number, but you’re sweating because of the 100-degree heat and humidity. Want to know something funny? I’m from Birmingham, Ala., and one of the reasons I liked Wake Forest was that I told myself, ‘It’s in the north, it’ll be colder!’ The joke’s on me and my trusty portable fan, I guess.

No. 4: This is a big one. When did it get so hard to remember people’s names? I never knew I could miss Zoom so much, but it always had my back. I mean, having people’s names on the screen? Muting and turning off video? The glitches that gave us a break from class? I guess it’s true –– you never know what you have until you lose it. Come back, baby, please — I’ll change! Now I have to ask the same people to repeat their names every two days, if I do it to you, I am genuinely sorry, I just have the memory and attention span of a goldfish.

Okay, we get it, Emily. Enough of your problems, tell us how to fix them. Well, that was a little rude, but here you go: I don’t know. What, you thought I had all the answers? I’m about to be 20 years old and I still have to sing the ABCs all the way through for alphabetical order –– find someone else, pal! 

What I can tell you is this: no matter how sucky your resolutions are, no matter how certain you are that you’re going to fail, keep trying anyways. After all, you might succeed and even if you don’t, you’ll feel a lot better knowing that you didn’t give up. The good news is, if you do happen to have that mental breakdown, you have the whole library of Disney+ to cheer you up –– if you’re fancy enough to have an account, I’m certainly not. Stay safe, wear your mask and apply deodorant as needed, please. Ciao!