Most people would stipulate that I am simply a clumsy person, but I would rather refer to myself as having weak equilibrioception. I can almost hear my mother’s voice in my head, chiding me to pick up my feet when I walk every time I trip over a flat surface. I have perfected the art of quickly scanning my surroundings to ensure that no one saw me bump into the stationary object I had been walking toward for long enough that I should have both noticed and avoided it.

Every day, I find a new bruise on my body. I don’t question where they come from — I know I must have done something to merit their existence even if I can’t remember what it was. 

Before you roll your eyes at me, please understand that I am not trying to get you to relate to me nor think of me as one of those quirky main characters from movies whose clumsiness and lack of general balance makes them unwittingly charming in a humble, down-to-earth sort of way. As a non-athlete who has suffered four concussions over the course of her lifetime, I’ve come to realize that this ineptitude is a genuine problem that impacts many people every day. 

If you ask any clumsy person, they will admit to having developed a perpetual wariness of certain objects or structural features on which they have hurt themselves before. Some examples include doors, curbs, fire hydrants or even stop signs. However, there is one structural menace by which every clumsy person has been hurt at least once before — a construct so necessary, yet one that continues to act as the ultimate antagonist to the klutz community.

Stairs.

And on a campus like Wake Forest, they are everywhere. As someone who has fallen down my fair share of stairs, I’ve taken it upon myself to rank the stairwells of Wake Forest University and present to you (via Google Maps) the top-five most unpleasant stairwells to fall down on campus. (Disclaimer: I am speaking from actual experience. I have personally fallen down all of the staircases on this map.)

I was incredibly surprised to find out that there are people at Wake Forest who have not fallen down a staircase during their time here. If you’re one of those people, I am genuinely happy for you, and I hope you keep your record and continue to impress us all with your superior balance. However, if you have fallen down a stairwell or two — or several — I hope you find this article helpful, and that you are extra cautious when you encounter any of these five stairwells.